Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
