So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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