I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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