Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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