hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
