God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
