A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
