then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
