So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
