we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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