Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
