that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
