so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
