we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
