You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
