So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
