He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just blew my weed a kiss
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
