Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
