When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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