do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Help. Why am I so naked?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
