So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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