She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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