I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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