If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
