Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
