Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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