I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
