I'm lost and stupid without you.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He better not be in your backpack
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
