i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
