I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
