i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
