you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
