guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
