guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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