No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
