She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Dick very happy bro
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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