I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
