JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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