dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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