guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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