Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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