there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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