Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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