can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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