i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
