i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
