i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize