My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
