So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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