I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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