I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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