Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
