I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
