We won't sleep together?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
