Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
