Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
