you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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