She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
