I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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