I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
