Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
