The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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