no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
