It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
