Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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